The Question Everyone Asks
The other night, I went to happy hour with a friend, and of course, the inevitable question came up: “So, are you dating?”
I told her no. I’m free since the marriage ended, but I’m still a little stuck. There are layers to why I’m not looking. For one, my ex and I are amicable right now, and I feel like the moment I find someone, that peace might crumble faster than a dollar store umbrella in a windstorm. He’s still pleasant and helpful when I need it, but I have this nagging fear that if I introduce a new person into my life, he’ll suddenly remember how to be petty—and let’s be real, the easiest way to do that is through our kids.
My Kids Have Very Different Views on This
Speaking of the kids, my 5-year-old son is a total daddy’s boy, and he sometimes asks if we can all hang out together. One of the toughest moments was when I picked him up from 4K and he asked, “Whose house am I going to? Dad’s or yours?” It hit me then—he didn’t see himself as having a home anymore. Just two separate places that belonged to his parents. That one stung. I reassured him that both houses are his homes and that both his dad and I love him very much.
My 8-year-old son has been very nonchalant about everything, which has honestly been a relief. But a few weeks ago, I found a paper in his backpack with the statement, “My parents getting a divorce,” written inside a circle. When I asked him about it, he said it was part of an assignment about things he can’t control. That was a gut punch. I told him he was right, and I was sorry. I also reassured him that I was always there if he ever needed to talk
My 11-year-old is all about the idea of a step-parent. A few months ago she asked, “When am I finally getting a stepmom or stepdad?” Like I can just hop on Amazon and add one to my cart.
Meanwhile, my 16-year-old has a very different vibe—she wants this whole divorce thing to be as under-the-radar as possible. She doesn’t even want people to know it happened, which, well, didn’t quite work out thanks to an overly curious substitute teacher.
When a Sub Gets a Little Too Nosy
Yep. The sub, who happens to be someone I know outside of school, saw my ex’s truck at my house a few times. So, naturally, she decided to go up to my daughter and ask, “Are your parents back together?” Because what 16-year-old girl doesn’t love discussing her parents’ relationship status with a random adult?
My daughter played dumb, but the sub kept pushing until she finally realized—oops—she shouldn’t have asked at all. My daughter hopes no one paid attention to the conversation because, according to her, everyone just knows this sub is a little out there. But still, talk about awkward.
The Step-Parent Misunderstanding
Now, back to my 11-year-old and her step-parent obsession. As a dental hygienist, I chat with my patients a lot. When they ask how my kids are handling the divorce, I’ll bring up my daughter’s step-parent comment (the one where she asked, “When am I finally getting a stepmom or stepdad?”) for some humor. I usually say, “I told her it would have to be a stepmom.”
I meant that my ex would have to be the one to date first because I’m not looking. But one woman kind of paused, gave me a look, and finally asked, “Wait… were you meaning a stepmom on his side?”
That’s when I realized she thought I had just come out to her mid-cleaning. I laughed and reassured her that I’m still straight, and she chuckled and said, “Well, a stepmom would’ve explained the divorce!” Hahaha!
Where I Stand on Dating
All jokes aside, I genuinely hope my ex finds someone before I do. That would make it so much easier for me to consider dating down the line. But right now? I’m good. I’m not lonely, I’m not searching, and I’m completely fulfilled spending time with my kids.
Maybe one day I’ll dip my toes in the dating pool, but for now, I’ll keep my focus where it belongs—on my kids, on my happiness, and on my sanity.
So, for the record: just because my ex and I are co-parenting like adults doesn’t mean we’re secretly hooking up. It just means we’re doing what we’re supposed to do—raising our kids without drama. And if that’s hard for people to understand, well, that’s on them.But if anyone does have a stepmom recommendation… let me know. For his side, of course.
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